Farewell and good luck

Beginnings are scary, middles are stressful, and endings are sad. 

Throughout this course I have learned that gal pals lying on the bed, feet in the air talking on the phone for three hours over nothing is not truly communication.  In order to have good communication individuals have to listen to each other, understand the emotions that are behind the words, and work through misunderstandings that can occur.  I have been armed with skills that will help me to develop relationships with parents even though we may not see eye to eye on things.  I have also learned that team work and collaboration is not just a group of people who are grouped together.  Collaboration and team work involves trust, commitment to the goals, and working through everyone’s personal agendas in order to work as a strong committed team.

At the beginning of this journey we discussed how we would support each other through the tough times and the good times.   I feel that we have done just that, we have all given words of encouragement while we shared parts of our lives that are sensitive and personal.  Though we have never met face to face we have developed a trust during this time.  We have gone through the trust stage of group development (Learning Center, 2011).  It is now time to say farewell.  I don’t believe in good byes but “see you later”.   I wish everyone a safe and exciting journey as we head into the next stage of our journey.  I would feel honored to have anyone of you as a colleague. 

Resources

Learning Center. (2011). How to build a team using vision, commitment, and trust. Retrieved from http://www.learningcenter.net/library/building.shtml

Adjournment- Beginnings are scary and goodbyes are sad

The hardest group to leave for me was the Bible study group I was involved in during my first teaching assignment.  This group consisted of a group of teachers whom I worked with.  We would meet each week for our study.  We had to have strong trust as we shared deep personal issues.  We all knew that we could count on each other no matter what the issue was.  When the adoption my husband and I were waiting on did not go through they were there to support me through it.  When I was getting ready to move to Arizona we had the final meeting that I would be able to attend.  I was teaching the study and was finishing up the book we were reading.  Instead I found we were having a farewell party.  I received a quilt with patches from the teachers at the school I worked at.  This was a tradition for retiring teachers which I was not.  I still have my quilt and pull it out from time to time when I need strength or guidance.  I look at the individual squares and think “what would she do?”  I love my quilt as I love all the ladies in that group.

What made this group so tough to leave was the friendships I built, the trust I had in them, and the growth that we had all made personally and professionally.  I would consider this a high-performing group.  We would set goals for ourselves and work with each other to meet them.  We had clearly established norms that we all maintained.  High performing groups are hard to leave because of all the accomplishments and contacts that you make.  These contacts you can use for future projects.

I am guessing that the adjourning phase of our group will be one that cannot be avoided.  Our departure will be full of well wishes on our blogs and we will silently go on our new journey.  We have shared our struggles and ideas with each other.  Though we have never met face to face we have an idea of what each other is like.  We all have a story to tell and a path to guide.  So I will say farewell, good luck, and strength be with you all.  We have made our own quilt here through our blog; we can pull up our blog and ask “what would she do?” 

It's the Parents fault- It's the Schools fault

Conflict Resolution

The conflict I chose to discuss was a situation with a parent and their child and the school personnel.  The child, who we will call L, is in constant trouble.  She has more energy than five children put together and has little to no impulse control.  With that said she can get herself into a large amount of trouble by not following the rules.  She has maxed out her chances with the schools discipline policy.  When her parents were confronted about her behavior they were upset with the school and teacher.  The parents feel that their daughter is just the average everyday child who knows her limits and boundaries.  The parents refuse to see the schools sides or take any steps to help their daughter in school. 

The first step that needs to be taken is opening the lines of communication between the school personnel and the parents.  A meeting will all parties involved needs to happen in order to help L.   In this meeting it is important to remember to attack the problem not the individuals (http://www.crnhq.org).  Also during this meeting each side needs to listen to the other.  The school personnel need to put themselves in the shoes of the parents and vice versa.  When each side has the perspective of the other then real communication can take place.  While each side is speaking the listener needs to go through these steps as laid out by the Conflict Resolution Network (http://www.crnhq.org):

• DON'T DEFEND yourself at this point. It will inflame them further.
• DEAL FIRST WITH THEIR EMOTIONS - People shout because they don't think they are being heard. Make sure they know they are - that you are hearing how angry or upset they are. Label accurately the emotions/feelings as you perceive them.
• ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR SIDE - This does not mean you agree with them, only that you are registering their viewpoint e.g. "I can see, if you think that was my attitude, why you are so angry", "I can see why the problem makes you so upset"

Once those steps have been taken moving towards options for change or a solution can start.  The team needs to work together to come up with a workable solution or plan.

Reference

Conflict Resolution Network.  (n.d.)  Retrieved from http://www.crnhq.org.

How do I do on communication??????

  

How do I do on communication??????

This week I took 3 different communication assessments, Communication Anxiety Inventory, Verbal Aggressiveness Scale, and Listening Styles Profile.  I also had my husband; Kelly and a coworker; Emily take the assessments on my behalf as well. 

The only real similarity between all three of us was that we scored me in group one on the listening styles.  The differences were the range of scores on the other two tests.  On the verbal scale I scored myself higher than Kelly and Emily did.  The verbal test is the one that surprised me the most.  I don’t feel that I am that aggressive verbally.  I tend more to back down instead on standing up to fight.   I attributed the differences in scores on the communication anxiety to the fact that Emily does not know me as well and nether one of them knows what I am physically experiencing. 

Insights to communication this week

I don’t really see this as an insight but more of a confirmation of how the media influences our self- concept.  The images that are projected through the media are pretty far off from reality.  I can only assume that visitors or immigrants from other countries gain a large shock when they actually meet us.  All women in the US are not 6’7 white, with long legs, fit body and beautifully flowing hair.   I can use this information to work with the students in my care.  I can show them that we are all different and beautiful in our own way.    We don’t have to conform to the Medias perceptions of us.  In order to teach this I have to accept that I don’t meet the Medias criteria and that is OK.

Assessing our self-perceptions is a continual process.  We are constantly assessing our abilities whether they are our strengths or weaknesses.  This is not always a cognitive process but just something we do.

My Communication

In preparation for this assignment this week I paid more attention to the interaction between myself and others at work.  In working in a public school you have a huge mixing pot of different backgrounds to interact with.  I paid particular attention to my conversations with other whose culture was different than mine.  I noticed that my communication with them was somewhat different when talking or interacting with them. 

Different religious groups-I noticed that I stayed away from topics that I thought might offend them.  I didn’t share my personal views unless I was sure that we shared the same ones. 

Age- I work with individuals who are older and younger than me.  When talking with those younger I try to remember what it was like to be that same age but since we live in different times it can be difficult.  When talking with those who are older and more experienced than I am, I try to listen to what they can teach me. 

Authority- I notice that when talking with my supervisors that I was more to the point.  I did not make as many jokes or sarcastic comments.  My body language was less relaxed and tenser. 

Based on what I have learned this week I thought of some strategies that could help me communicate more effectively with the people I work with.

1.  When talking to people whose age is different than mine I will respect their life walk and listen to their stories.  I will sincere when listening and offer advice only when asked.

2.  When talking to people in authority positions I should treat them with the respect that they have earned due to their position and education but respect as a person as well.

3.  When talking with individuals whose religious backgrounds are different I should accept their beliefs.  I may not share the same beliefs but I should respect their beliefs.  I will try to avoid stereotypes about their religion as well.

TV relationships

The show that I watched was an episode of Scooby Doo with my son.  The characters in the show are two boys, two girls, and a dog. 

I thought from watching that the characters were a group of friends who were traveling in a van.  One of the boys seemed to be in a romantic relationship with one of the girls.  Their body language was that of a couple.  They sat close to each other in van and would look at each other more than they did the other two.  The other girl who was not as stylish as the other seemed to be on the outside of the group.  She would stand farther part that the others and did most of the talking.  The tall skinny boy must have been the dog’s owner.  He would hang with the dog and they both ate a lot.

The feelings that I observed are rejection from the one girl who is apart from the group.  I also see the “couple” as happy and affectionate towards each other.  They touch each other more frequently.  The tall skinny boy is a loner with his dog and oblivious to what is going on around them. 

When I turned the sound on and re-watched the show I was able to check my observations.  The assumption that I made about the characters were similar to the true relationship.  They were a group of friends who traveled around in their van.  The two (Fred and Daphne) that I thought might be a couple were not.  The girl (Velma) who stood apart from the group turned out to be the leader of the group.  Tall skinny boy (Shaggy) and his dog Scooby were best friends who did like to eat a lot.  They would get into more trouble by trying to stay out of it. 

My assumptions would have been more correct with a show I know well because I already know the background information on the show. 

What I learned was that background knowledge is better than basic assumptions.  We need to know more about a situation before we make a judgment on a situation or relationship.  I have also learned that body movement is a huge part of our communication.  People can’t seem to talk without their hands or movement. 

My communication model

The person in my life that demonstrates competent communication is my Mother.  She was the Dean of Students for one of the local high schools where I first taught.

The behaviors that my mother exhibited when she was in the Dean’s Office at a local high school were; calm, unemotional, attentive, and caring.  She worked with students who got in trouble for various reasons; tardy, ditching class, behavior issues, etc.  When working with students who were lying to her she would look at them straight in the face, emotionless, and listen to their stories.  They thought since she did not respond she must believe them.  She would also take under her wing students who needed a little extra support and “mother” them if they needed.  I can’t count how many times she wanted to bring them home and care for them.  I guess that is where I get it from.  Every year I find at least one student who I am totally convinced that I could do a better job than their parents. 

My mother would talk to each student whom she saw in a professional manner but yet still maintained an appropriate level of control.  She let them know through the tone in her voice, and body position that she was the controlling party in this situation.  She would let them tell their side of the story and walk them through their decisions whether they were right or wrong.  She would also help them to plan out a better plan of behavior.   I want to model my interactions with students after hers.  She had a very good report with the students that she worked with and made a difference in many of their lives.